I begin my story by giving all the glory to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, this story would have a completely different ending. It would have ended in divorce as most marriages with infidelity do.
My husband and I were happily married in 1991. We both wanted children but initially struggled to get pregnant. After a few years, God gave us the beautiful gift of a son.
On the surface everything appeared to be going well. We both worked full time jobs and were raising our child. However, we were so busy working and taking care of our son that we forgot to pay attention to each other. Although we didn’t have intimate relations anymore, we never fought. There was no physical abuse or name calling. We went to church every Sunday and sent our son to Catholic schools. We were a family. We were looking good!
Then one day in the fall of 2006, my life fell apart. I learned through my two brothers (they all worked in the same office for my uncle’s company) that my husband was cheating. He was having an affair with a woman in their office. I was completely devastated and filled with anger.
I cried. I screamed. I yelled! I tried to gather myself to think of what to do next. Not only had my husband betrayed me, but my own family had also betrayed me by not coming to me or my husband when they first suspected the affair (many months prior).
During our crisis, my family and even some close friends distanced themselves from us. They completely abandoned us and did not speak to us. One family member handed me information to see a divorce attorney. It blew my mind.
My family may have abandoned us but God showed up in a big way! He sent His angels to support us through our tough trial. My husband’s family was also very supportive. They wrapped their arms around us tightly. They walked with us and encouraged us to fight for our marriage. I also had a dear friend who stepped in and worked every day with both my husband and me. God truly anointed her to nurture us back to see His love and grace. She spent many long hours listening and reminding us of God’s love for us and our marriage.
I needed to separate from my husband in order to begin healing. My husband moved in with a relative so my son and I could stay in our home and keep our routine of school and work. Through this separation we stay connected and maintained a relationship through our shared commitment to our son. He was our first priority.
We placed our faith in God and asked for His help and guidance. My husband had reached out immediately to our pastor at our church. Knowing God was with us and having immediate access to confession and the Eucharist was such a comfort. The sacraments began our healing process from the inside.
We both started going to a Christian counseling center seeing different therapists. We did this for many months and slowly started to talk and see where we had neglected one another for so many years. As our eyes opened, we began to realize and address how each of us had failed to care for each other and our marriage. Then we began seeing my husband’s therapist together.
I struggled with forgiveness in a big way. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It took a good year to truly forgive my husband and I had to check myself on that at times. My faith is what enabled me to forgive. I would contemplate what Jesus endured through his passion and crucifixion and it helped me through my struggles.
It was very difficult for me to forgive my family. I found it harder than forgiving my husband. I have made a great deal of progress but still struggle on occasion. I pray about it every day as most of them still do not speak to me, my husband, or son after nearly 10 years.
The healing process took time but we eventually grew in our relationship. I must say I never felt like giving up only because I saw the work my husband was doing and the change that took place in his heart. God, in His mercy, allowed me to see that first hand. Our faith in God did not allow us to end what God put together.
Today, we are not a surviving married couple, we are a thriving married couple! We make the time to pay attention and really talk to each other every day. God gave me back a new husband and I became a new wife for him. We are better connected today than when we dated!
There is always hope. Hope in Jesus Christ. He died for all of our sins, even the ones not yet committed. He saved our marriage when there were many people who kept telling me it would fail. The naysayers now stand back years later only to see we have defeated what this secular society believes should end in divorce. Every day I thank God for where He has brought us and where I know He is taking us.Praise the Lord for He is merciful! To Him be all the Glory!
The post My Husband Cheated: Healing and Thriving after Infidelity appeared first on Conversation with Women.
